As computers have now definitely taken over our lives, and there are some amongst us that would probably prefer to be back in the pre computer domination days, I thought I’d pass the following thoughts on.

Firstly, I must stress that there is no substantiation that the following occurred, however if it did, I think it is a pretty good reply.

The story has it that at a computer expo (COMDEX), a computer expert reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to this statement, Ford purportedly issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1…. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash………twice a day.

2…. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 

3…. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway.  You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all the windows, shut off the engine, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.  For some reason you would simply accept this.

4…. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a right turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart – in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 

5…. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6…. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light. 

7…. The airbag system would ask, ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.

8…. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 

9…. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10…. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

11…. When all else fails, you’d have to call ‘Customer Service’ and be instructed by someone in a foreign country with a difficult to understand accent as to how to fix your car yourself.